Chicago Dog Throwdown

The Chicago Dog. As a kid, I used to see a picture of one on the menu board at the Manhattan Town Center A&W Hot Dogs & More and think to myself, "Yick! Who would eat a hot dog with all that stuff on it?" Mind you, this was during a time in my life when I refused to eat any food in which I could detect even the tracest amount of onion, because I thought I hated onions. ("They make me gag" I would say with tearful eyes. What a weenie.)

Now, I love Chicago Dogs - and onions, for that matter. But I'd wager this classically loaded frankfurter garners "skepticism of the palette" from even the heartiest of adult eaters on its appearance alone. So what, exactly, is it? There are strict criteria to be met for a normal loaded dog to qualify as an authentic Chicago Dog. Unequivocally, the essential componentry includes:

• Steamed poppy seed bun
• Kosher, all-beef frankfurter (Vienne Beef is the most popular brand. Red Hot Chicago makes a competing dog.)
• Diced onion (white)
• Neon Relish (a.k.a. piccalilli)
• Sport peppers (pickled serranos)
• Fresh tomatoes (usually sliced, not chopped)
• Kosher dill slice
• Yellow mustard
• Celery salt

So after being pleasantly surprised by the Chi Dog I found at a nearby eatery, I decided to expand my search to the whole city to come up with a comprehensive list of where these beloved dogs "dragged through the garden" could be found.

In my search, I found several variations and liberties taken with this list of ingredients--deli mustards, red onion, chopped tomato or omission of entire ingredients, even. In fact, of eight different vendors in town claiming Chicago Dogs on their menu, I found only two that met all of the criteria exactly.

But this post is not only about where you can find the real thing here in KC, but also whose I liked the best. All comers were eligible to win the badge for authenticity. Only one could win my heart. Here they are from worst to best. Let the throwdown begin.

#8 - The Brick: This establishment finds itself at the bottom of the heap because of its lack of authenticity in lieu of worse ingredient choices. Don't get me wrong - of all the places I visited, The Brick gave me one of the best hot dogs - the most filling for sure - but it was a far cry from a real Chicago Dog. The bun was toasted, not steamed, and contained sesame seeds instead of poppy. The hot dog was a big, juicy one, but other errant ingredients were red onion slices instead of chopped white onion, regular dark green relish instead of the bright green stuff, and an absolute head-scratcher: a blanket of romaine lettuce covering the whole thing, weighed down with yellow mustard making for a sloppy mess. Not so appealing. Not worth the caloric investment.

Authenticity (out of 3): 0

Taste (out of 5): 2

Love (out of 2):1

Dining Experience (out of 3): 1

TOTAL: 4 out of 13

#7 - The Pizza Man: Located a solid 25 minute drive from my house in a Lenexa industrial park is a hidden strip mall where The Pizza Man resides. The Pizza Man is a Chicago-themed restaurant in the same way Arrowhead Stadium is a chiefs-themed establishment. The walls are painted garish Cubs blue and red and adorned with Cubs, Bulls and Blackhawks paraphernalia including classic posters and trading cards. It's like walking into the bedroom of any 10 year old Chicago sports fan - even down to its lack of cleanliness. I hate to sound snooty, but truly, I was afraid my chances of contracting food poisoning from The Pizza Man were slightly better than NOT contracting it. Gutting it out, though, my Chicago dog from Pizza Man was, not surprisingly, 100% authentic. Vienna Beef hot dog, all the right toppings. A spot-on representation of the basic thing. So in the end, it wasn't the dog itself that dropped Pizza Man to the bottom of this throwdown - it was the establishment in which it was served.

Authenticity (out of 3): 3
Taste (out of 5): 2
Love (out of 2): 1
Dining Experience (out of 3): 0
TOTAL: 6 out of 13

#6 - CJ's: Besting The Pizza Man by the slimmest of margins, CJ's is located way up north in a little strip mall near KCI. The dogs here, too, were the model of a Chicago Dog but with a bonus - they were Buy One Get One Free! I don't know if this was normal or not - nothing was very normal about my trip to CJ's, which was operating out of a neighboring restaurant while the real CJ's was under renovation. The fill-in staff, though, quickly served up my Chicago Dogs and I enjoyed every bite.

Authenticity (out of 3): 3
Taste (out of 5): 2
Love (out of 2): 1
Dining Experience (out of 3): 1
TOTAL: 7 out of 13 (tie)

#5 - Miami Ice: Featuring a Red Hot Chicago hot dog, Miami Ice is the first of the upper-tier dogs--the ones good enough to garner a return trip. The Red Hot was the perfect plumpness and length, fitting the bun but with plenty of girth for the perfect, meaty bite. The toppings weren't all there, though. It lacked the poppy seeds on the bun and the neon relish. And the tomatoes were chopped, not slices, but that's hardly a knock. Overall, this was a tasty, satisfying dog I was happy to have in my neighborhood.

Authenticity (out of 3): 1
Taste (out of 5): 4
Love (out of 2): 0
Dining Experience (out of 3): 2
TOTAL: 7 out of 13 (tie)

#4 - Rock-N-Moroccan: Just a few doors down (Westward) stands Rock-N-Moroccan which I've already reported as having pretty awful Moroccan food, but a tremendously satisfying Chicago Dog. No, it's not perfect. The tomatoes were chopped, the relish not neon, and I don't believe the celery salt was there, either. But what Rock-N had was a gut-busting, meaty, mustardy, oniony Chicago Dog. Of all the dogs I had, this may have provided the single most satisfying bite. All the toppings being such a uniformed dice, it was easy to chomp down without causing an avalanche of vegetables to go tumbling down my face and wrists. So for its shortcomings in authenticity, it makes a big comeback with taste.


Authenticity (out of 3): 1
Taste (out of 5): 4
Love (out of 2): 1
Dining Experience (out of 3): 2
TOTAL: 7 out of 13 (tie)

#3 - Dog Nuvo: Dog Nuvo doesn't sell hot dogs, it sells haute dogs. And in my earlier review of the place, I note that the condiments here are all house-made and truly delicious. The Chicago Dog there was no exception. The onion was not diced. Or onion. It was thinly sliced shallot which gave a slightly more modest crunch--but enough--and still a good mild but bite-y zing. The relish was, surprisingly, neon green. The mustard, though, a delicious but hardly authentic coarse grain. And the pickles and peppers were thinly sliced into "ribbons". Altogether, it created a manageably topped and sized hot dog, but the dog itself was pretty darn thin. I was left wanting more (that's what she said). So while this is a delicious and applaudably well crafted Chicago Dog, it's not quite the best in town.

Authenticity (out of 3): 2
Taste (out of 5): 4
Love (out of 2): 2
Dining Experience (out of 3): 3
TOTAL: 11 out of 13

#2 - Big City Hot Dogs: Little known fact: There's a hot dog place in Grandview called Big City Hot Dogs. Lesser known fact: their hot dogs are great! Even lesser known fact - this is also where KC's locally made artisan soda brand, Soda Vie, is based. How was the dog? Good enough to be second best on the list. First off, buyers have their choice of the normal 1/8 lb or heartier 1/4 lb hot dog. Always a huge plus to have the quarter-pounder available. And aside from having regular colored relish instead of neon green, the rest of the dog was spot-on Chicago style. The only real drawbacks to Big City were its location and atmosphere. The place is in an awkward, hard to reach spot and feels more like a soda vie bottling plant than a restaurant of any sort. No, hot dogs don't require studly digs to be passable, but we're talking about a small difference between #1 and #2 on the list here, and this building just saddened me a bit. (If you make the trip, be sure to check out the rest of the menu selections. This truly is one of the most legit hot dog-focused menus in the city.)

Authenticity (out of 3): 2.5
Taste (out of 5): 5
Love (out of 2): 2
Dining Experience (out of 3): 2
TOTAL: 11.5 out of 13

#1 - Clay's Curbside Grill: This little hot dog stand off Armour road in old downtown North KC wasn't even on my Chicago Dog hit list until I was nearly done with the Throwdown research. Good thing I found this article in The Pitch about its return. Here's why it's the winner: a great hot dog that's the perfect size - not too big, not too small; all the right toppings from the real Chi Dog list; a friendly, quick-moving chef prepares every dog by hand (Clay himself) from a real hot dog cart, not a kitchen - somehow hot dogs taste best this way; a comfortable curbside seating arrangement available to enjoy your fast, unpretentious, perfectly satisfying lunch. Clay's does hot dogs the right way, and his Chicago Dog is spot-on.

Authenticity (out of 3): 3
Taste (out of 5): 5
Love (out of 2): 2
Dining Experience (out of 3): 2
TOTAL: 12 out of 13

So there you have it. The current Chicago Dog king of Kansas City is Clay's Curbside Grill, and a worthy winner it is. Notice, though, potential future challengers, that there is no one listed here with a perfect score. None of the establishments quite achieved the perfect authenticity to enjoyment ratio. So to anyone who may be considering jumping into the pool with their own Chicago Dog offering, come hard and you could claim the crown.